The Visit

“… 2,998… 2,999… 3,000!”

Although he loved counting, eventually Waldo would realize that resorting to it to entertain himself must mean he was really bored. He could claim he was practicing, but he knew as well as anyone else that the World Counting Championship was months away.

He’d spent yesterday doing these sorts of activities as well, because his neighbor and best friend Susan Sorenfeld wouldn’t answer the door. Seeing as they spent most of their time together, this left Waldo with little to do besides practice random skills that her company would do little but get in the way of, such as juggling or magic. But as he felt today was not the day for that, he walked out the door to see about his friend.

He was greeted by the small cottages of his neighborhood, each very similar to his own, and to Susan’s right next door.

Waldo knew Susan wasn't the type to sit still for that long, so visiting her could always lead to a fascinating and frightening experience. Perhaps she'd be kicking the pulp out of a burglar long after making him wish he'd never gone near another person's home. Or he thought she could even be digging a hole in her kitchen just to see what was down there. Waldo thought to compare her unpredictability to a jack-in-the-box: you know a surprise is coming, but you’re surprised anyway. He tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever she’d been doing all this time. Arriving at Susan’s door, he knocked, and heard a “come on in.”

But as he opened the door, he was startled to see… nothing of particular interest at all. His neighbor held a broom and calmly but quickly swept the floor.

“What are ya doin’, cleaning up the evidence?” Waldo scoffed.

“Eh?” Susan grunted back.

“Come on, you know what I’m talking about,” Waldo said, “Every time I come to visit, you’re involved in some kinda totally nutty activity. Remember the other day when you were chasing some fairies with a hammer?”

“Oh yeah, haha,” Susan agreed. “Today’s different. Gotta be cool ‘cuz my dad’s coming up this afternoon.”

“Woah, really?” said Waldo. “Could I stick around? It might be fun to meet him.”

Susan went back to her sweeping. “I guess. Just need to take care of a few things first. Most importantly, this place has gotta look real nice when he gets here.”

Waldo gulped. Seeing the only person in town less inclined to order than himself peacefully tidy up made him feel lost. How strict and picky must her father be in order to make her feel obligated to act like a whole other person for his visit? Waldo thought of what it must be like to have a child like Susan: totally out of control, barbaric, and right when you think you’ve guessed her next move, she’s three steps ahead of you. Who could blame a guy for being a little disappointed in her? And a lifetime of conflict between the two obviously wouldn’t set the stage for a pleasant reunion. Waldo shuffled nervously picturing all the fighting that could go on, and the extended period of dreariness that would surely follow. Waldo couldn’t stand to see his best friend that way. Sure, even though he could admit that Susan may not be the easiest to deal with, that’s what makes her fun. It’s why he decided to come see her today.

“I sure hope her dad can see the part of her that I see,” he thought to himself. “But wait. What if I got to him first, to get him in a good mood? That might butter him up a bit, and then this reunion could go a little more peacefully!” It might not do much, but it was all he could do.

With a cardboard sign bearing the neatly-written name “Mr. Sorenfeld,” Waldo scurried into town, showing it to every passer-by he could. “Mr. Sorenfeld? Hello? You there? Is there a Mr. Sorenfeld here?” No luck for a while. Waldo was about to give up when a tall, muscular, red-haired man with a short beard began to approach him.

“Can I help you, stranger? I heard you were looking for me,” said the red-haired man.

“Mr. Sorenfeld?” Waldo asked.

The man nodded. “Call me Seth.”

“You coming to see your daughter, by any chance?”

“How did you know?”

“Oh, I see Susan a lot, she told me.”

“Hm…” Seth muttered while squinting, giving Waldo a scrutinizing stare. “I always thought Susan would go in for taller guys.”

Waldo reddened a bit. Yes, as an elf, comments on his stature were not unheard of. Neither were implications of himself and Susan being more than friends, honestly. But each one disturbed him. Made him feel like he was a kid again, when everyone would gossip and look more deeply into each other’s friendships than he felt was needed. He couldn’t imagine being involved with her anyway; she was like a sister to him. And even if that wasn’t the case, she was about twice as tall and human. “Uh, no, we’re not like that,” he simplified.

“Ah. Well, just the same, always nice to meet a friend’a hers!” Seth warmly proclaimed, offering his hand. “And what’s your name, little guy?”

Waldo didn’t appreciate that “little guy” remark right after what Seth had just said not a moment before, but he had to remember why he came: to make Seth feel good. “Waldo, good sir.” Shaking his hand, Waldo added, “Your beard is lovely.” Oh man, where’d that one come from?

Seth stared for a moment and then laughed. “HAHAHA, lovely, huh?” Seth withdrew his hand, reached back down and hoisted the elf up with one arm. “You’re a funny little dude.” Waldo laughed nervously and tried to hide his embarrassment. Perhaps his plan wasn’t so great after all. “Wanna join me to visit Susan?”

“Uh… sure,” Waldo lied. Was he just going to give up? He managed to make Seth laugh, but there’s no way that would be enough to make the visit go smoothly. But here he was, in Seth’s massive hand, being carried back the way he came. Out of ideas, he thought, “Well… this guy doesn’t seem to be stuck up or anything. But looks can be deceiving. Maybe he was traveling a while and just felt like unwinding?”

Waldo continued puzzling until they arrived at Susan’s door. He was no closer to solving the uncertainty of this situation, but now, it confronted him with no way of turning back.

Seth put Waldo on the ground. “You don’t look so good. Did I squeeze you too tight or somethin’?”

“No, no, don’t worry,” Waldo assured him. He bit his nails as the door opened.

“DAD! YOU’RE HERE!” Susan, returning to her high-energy demeanor, rushed to the doorway and punched her father in the shoulder.

“That’s my tough little girl!” Seth laughed. They walked in and Seth shut the door behind them.

Susan looked down to see Waldo, still nibbling his fingertips. “Uh, what’s up with you, Waldo?” she asked.

Deciding to reveal his feelings, Waldo explained. “I was just a little worried about Seth’s visit, is all.”

Seth and Susan turned to look at each other, then back to Waldo. “Worried…?” Susan repeated. “I don’t see what you’ve got to worry about. I’ve been looking forward to this all week; I’m not even worried!”

“Yeah,” Seth agreed. “Sorry if I scared ya earlier, I can have that effect on people. Ya did seem awfully nervous; I didn’t mean to do that.”

“No, it’s just…” Waldo paused to choose his words carefully. “I just haven’t met you or Susan’s mom before, and she never seemed to be the kind of person that’s in touch with her parents, or really… authority in general.” He turned to Susan. “You kinda make your own rules, y’know?”

“I sure do!” Susan exclaimed.

“So you thought I was some kinda bossy old fart.” Seth accused with a frown.

“Well, no, it’s just… I thought having such an out-of-control daughter like Susan would create a rift between the two of you.” Waldo clarified.

“Out of control?” Seth and Susan cackled. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I was actually a pretty well-behaved kid,” Susan explained.

“Yeah, she always did her homework, had excellent table manners, and even put ‘er mom to shame with the chores,” Seth kept snickering. “Obviously someone had to fix that!” Seth pulled Susan by his side and ground his knuckles on her scalp.

“But then…” Waldo wondered, “Why did you need to clean the house? If neither of you cares for cleanliness, I mean.”

Susan smiled. “Just part of a little family tradition.”

Waldo’s baffled gaze lingered.

“Oh Waldo,” Susan chuckled, “What fun is it to wreck the house unless it’s totally spotless first?”

Waldo’s eyes were like baseballs. “Wh-what do you-?!”

“READY, DAD?!” Susan screamed.

“Remember you can call me Seth if you want,” Seth responded, “But, yes, READY!”

With one more gulp from Waldo, the two giants disappeared from view. Faster than his eye could follow them, they lifted whole bookshelves, lamps, and chairs and threw them, flooding the house with dust and smoke. Waldo could faintly hear maniacal laughter over the crashing and rumbling of wood and glass fragmenting. Caught in the shadow of a rising torrent of debris, he could barely stand on the trembling ground. After a few seconds of utter chaos, Waldo gathered the sense to internally shout, “GET OUT OF THERE!!” He grabbed his hat and bolted along the shortest path to the door, slamming it behind him.

Standing a safe distance away, Waldo watched as the house thundered and shook. Looking back on the assumptions he made about Seth’s visit, he held his face in one hand, laughing quietly. He could not have been more wrong. And even if he’d been right, he had no idea how he could’ve significantly changed the visit in the first place. Whatever was to happen was between Seth and Susan. Between family. Making a mental note that the Sorenfelds are NOT normal people, he left to mind his own business. After all, how could he have forgotten that the World Counting Championship was only a few months away?